Healthy Cells Grow All by Themselves

Lying still
Breathing in and out
Healthy cells grow all by themselves
I am free of cancer

Introduction

This article was inspired by the wonderful articles written by other sangha members in the a recent issue of the Mindfulness Bell, issue 39. I am writing this article in hopes of inspiring other members of the four-fold community in their healing process.

In January, 1997, I was diagnosed with stage 2 grade 4 bladder cancer. It all started at Patricia’s house (organizer of the Mountain Sangha in Mill Valley, CA) in celebration of her birthday. I was urinating oceans of blood all through that Saturday night and into Super Bowl Sunday morning. I felt unbelievably stoic about the whole incident and the funny thing was that in spite of being a “monk of fearful mind”, I was not terribly frightened.

The next morning, I was instantly admitted to the hospital and tests were run. A few days later, I had a trans-urethral resection of the bladder tumor and was sent home to wait for the biopsy.

Maintaining my stoic attitude, I immediately sat down at my computer and started to do research on the web on bladder cancer. By the time I went to see the urologist the next Friday, I had all of the possible diagnoses laid out in front of me. The doctor was amazed when I pointed to documentation that described what turned out to be my diagnosis. He had never seen someone so prepared as I was.

The prognosis was pretty good if I was willing to give up my bladder for a weak substitute. The surgeons construct a bladder out of your bowel tissue and remove the one you were born with. This was not an acceptable alternative, as it would limit my ability to play tennis – a major part of my mindfulness practice. I needed to look further into alternatives.

Analysis

The options presented to me that included partial or radical cystectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation. Partial cystectomy is surgery which removes the tumors and repairs the bladder. Radical cystectomy is surgery to remove the bladder and replace it with a pouch formed bowel tissue, which requires cutting the colon. As you can see, these options were not good. I felt there had to be a better way.

One of the first people I saw was Michael Broffman, a Buddhist, Acupuncturist, Chinese Herbal Doctor, and multi-faceted genius at the Pine Street Clinic in San Anselmo, CA. If you have heard about dogs sniffing cancer, you have heard about Michael Broffman. He is up to date on all forms of cancer and cancer treatments. He told me that in China, partial or radical cystectomy was a secondary approach, rather than the “gold standard”. With his encouragement, I decided to look into saving my bladder. I felt that I was in good hands.

I spoke with Dr. Sara Huang, a radiologist and long time friend of ours who told me about Dr. William Shipley at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard University. She said that he was the “guru of saving the bladder”. Luckily, I was able to talk with him over the phone and he agreed to send me and my other doctors copies of his bladder sparing protocol. So, ultimately, I embarked on this path with my physician, urologist, oncologist, and radiologist all cooperating with the Shipley protocol.

Progress

In addition to the bladder sparing protocol, I engaged in walking meditation, guided imagery, tennis (when possible), and many other alternative healing arts, including spiritual healers, acupuncture, Feldenkrais, massage, and drawing and dancing with Anna Halprin to name a few. At one guided imagery session on the vernal equinox in 1997, I saw myself descending a beautiful hillside with lovely green grass all around. I felt like the decision was correct and that it was “all downhill from here.” Since it was the first day of spring, I was reminded of the Zen poem

Sitting quietly
Doing nothing
Spring comes
And the grass grows all by itself

This became the inspiration for the poem at the beginning of this article. From that day on, even today, for every step I take, when I lift my left foot, I say to myself, “Healthy”, and when I lift my right foot, I say to myself, “Free”. This practice of walking meditation was inspired by Thay and I have adapted the poem to sitting meditation also.

In early September, 1997, I attended Thay’s retreat at UCSB. The setting was lovely. I was able to speak with Sister Chan Khong at length about cancer and healing. I felt the healing process of holding Thay’s hand while doing walking meditation on the beach. I enjoyed dharma discussions and silent meals.

After the retreat, I had several more rounds of surgery followed by BCG treatments in my bladder. Although my progress was good, I wanted to be rid of the disease. I sunk into a terrible depression that winter, but when spring came again, things were starting to get better. I could play tennis again and I continued walking meditation and imagery.

Conclusion

My willingness to consider alternative therapies coupled with becoming my own advocate has helped me to survive a catastrophic illness. The love and support of my family and friends was invaluable. The teachings of Buddha and Thay gave me the courage to face the five factors of existence, all of which played a role in my recovery. The ones about sickness and old age (I was 22 for the third time in October, 2005) really struck their mark.

However, here I am, more than eight and one-half years after diagnosis and still able to be an OI aspirant and an active member of the Mountain Sangha. I was also allowed to visit Plum Village during the Tet celebration in 2000, but that is another story.

May all beings be at peace. May their hearts remain open. May they realize the radiance and beauty of their own Buddha nature. May they be healed. May they be happy!

More Information

For more information about my illness and recovery, I invite you to call or write to me. You can also visit my web site, http://yellowstream.org.